Friday, December 19, 2008

Tired of Tears

Just over an hour ago, I was on the phone with my mom telling her my plans for the rest of the afternoon. One of those plans being posting a blog entry, although I told her there wasn't really anything that I was particularly inspired to write about today, and fortunately for all of you, I decided to spare you and forgo posting yet ANOTHER belly shot. So I nestled into the day bed in the only room in my house that the sun seemed to be peeking its far too absent head into and began to read. 

In that same phone conversation with my mom a few minutes earlier we both lamented to each other how tired we were of crying. We had both cried several times today and at that point it was only noon! Woe was us!

As I was reading, I was consumed by this thought of being tired of tears. It was a natural human emotion and I'm a girl and a pregnant one at that. Why was I so tired of it? What about tears made me so tired? I came up with several reasons:

  • Tears usually mean the acknowledgement of sadness or of intoxicating joy that if ruined will bring nothing but the most extreme disappointment
  • Tears are a sign of weakness. I am crying because I cannot handle the reality of a situation, the circumstances in a situation.
  • Tears seem to insist on the absence of joy, a sign that something deeper is eating at my mind, my heart
  • Tears make you look puffy and red-faced, taking away from any kind of natural beauty you might have had in a particular moment
  • Tears, when shared with others, typically get a sorrowful, concerned and troubled reaction. Why are you crying? What is wrong? Are you okay?
  • Tears create waste, Kleenex after Kleenex, sleeve after sleeve!
The list was growing and growing, I was certainly tired of tears! I was tired of crying, I was tired of tearing up when I was overwhelmed with happiness and joy and tired of shedding tears when I was burdened about the future for myself, my baby, my family and others who I don't even know personally but know they are experiencing an extreme season of sadness. 

Then the sun got brighter (and continues to as I sit here and type) and I said out loud, "Jesus wept." Jesus wept, Katie. He wept. He was saddened for others, just like you and He wept. When thinking about his own fate, He wept. He wept and sweat when he thought about his future. He sweat and cried tears of blood he became so troubled. He wept out of sadness and He wept in fear. Jesus wept. 

I wonder, was Jesus ever tired of tears? In Gethsemane, when He finds himself in a literal battle of will with His father I know he must have been tried, exhausted, overwhelmed by his fate. He pleads for God's mercy and asks for Him to take this cup from him, if there is any other way God, please let it be! Please, oh please! I am deeply troubled by what is to come!

BUT, he says, thy will be done! Do as you need to! May your Kingdom prosper and may your plan be fulfilled, so that KATIE will never have to be tired of her tears as I am of my own!

Katie, do not be tired, do not be weary, for in your tears there is hope! I have come to bring you hope. In me, you can find rest. In me, you can find peace. In me, you can find understanding. In me, you can have life, and life to the full. Your cup runneth over, Katie!

Though tears may be hard and tears may be tiring, ALL tears have hope. So next time I feel those tears begin to creep down my red, blotchy face I am going to remember that Jesus wept and Jesus also feared, but the greatest thing of all to remember is that Jesus also submitted to the will of His father and through His tears, through His fear, pain and torture we will NEVER grow weary! Tears and fears will come and go, but His love will always remain. Our hope is ALWAYS secure.

I weep!

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40: 1-3


frankandmichelle said...

Thanks for sharing your tears with us. Pregnant or not, tears are a beautiful gift to those around you. Don't ever stop being vulnerable; God is glorified through your tears. Can't wait to meet Caden. Thinking of you guys this week:)

becca harris said...

well said my friend. and just so you know i've cried twice today.