Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Triple Reflection

Caden is going to be one on Friday! I can't believe it's been nearly a year since we first met.  As we've been preparing for his first birthday celebrations for what seems months now, I have had much time to focus and reflect on the past year; where we started on January 1, 2009 and where we are now, nearing January 1, 2010. I have learned so much this year about so many things, and all of them because of this crazy beautiful journey we call motherhood. I have lots of thoughts about this... surviving my first year as a mom (there will be a blog about this!) but for now I want to be sure and capture the things I remember about our beginning. I want to remember the things I learned the day Caden came into the world, or better yet what I learned BECAUSE of the way that Caden came into the world.

For those of you who have been faithful bloggies since last year you know that Caden's debut into our lives was not without a little drama. As with anything in our lives both good and bad, but most especially bad, we know that God will work things out for good for those who love Him; we are promised that, but it often takes a while to see the good that comes from the bad. Sometimes it takes days, months or in my case nearly a year. 

I hadn't really thought about it until the past few weeks as we've been gearing up for Caden's birthday. I hadn't really thought about what, if any good had come from Caden's dramatic debut. (Except for the obvious of course, which is a happy, healthy, sweeter than life little boy... there is nothing greater than that.) But more than that, I started to get glimpses of something I hadn't noticed. I started seeing a bigger picture, a bigger message AND a much larger purpose for me. I had received a gift, a most precious gift that I had been asking for for some time... and it took me almost a year to realize it. I'm a little slow to the punch I suppose! 

In early 2008, the Pastor of our church did a series on Trinitarian Teamwork, teaching us about the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit and how they worked together. I have always found the Trinity to be such a hard concept to grasp. I got the Father and the Son, but the Holy Spirit... I just wasn't getting it. I didn't get how it worked. I didn't understand the Spirit. Through his sermon series I was getting closer. I understood the actions of the Holy Spirit to impart spiritual gifts into the body of Christ. I understood the submission of both the Spirit and the Son to the Father and I understood that the Spirit was a very essential and real part of my faith, but one that I needed to work on getting to know much better.

Probably my VERY favorite chapter of the Bible is Romans 8! It is meaty and amazing and ironically all about the Spirit. Perhaps my fascination with understanding the Spirit of God has driven me to this chapter over and over again, or of course maybe it's someone much BIGGER than me that's pointing me there. Regardless, this chapter has been my inspiration, my plea, my hope in so many different circumstances.

Romans 8 preaches and preaches and preaches about setting your mind on the Spirit's desires. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am Queen of letting my mind fall victim to worry, anxiety and fear. I have let Satan steal my joy more times than I am willing to admit, so I worked through this passage a lot... committing to setting my mind on the things the Spirit desires... but again... the Spirit... who the heck is the Spirit and how do I get my mind set towards him, her, it... the Spirit?! That dang Spirit... it was tough for me to get a handle on, but I kept on, and kept on knowing that one day I would get it... and if not, my first stop in eternity would be to the Spirit's house. 

I knew I wanted to know the Spirit better because MAN, the Spirit did a lot of great things. One of the greatest comforts to me that the Spirit possessed was the ability to intercede on my behalf. Having someone going before the Lord just for me, about things that I didn't even realize were actual "things" and understanding how to pray and petition God for me... WOW! That was pretty amazing. It meant that if God forbid I ever be short on words (which I am VERY RARELY) I would have someone there to step in! Like if I feel asleep during a Baylor basketball game and I wasn't able to pray for that winning shot, that the Spirit would look alive and pull my Bears through... phew!

So that brings me to the night Caden was born... the gift I was given. Well the TWO gifts I was given. First, came Caden and then came the gift of the Spirit. Understanding, seeing, experiencing the Spirit at work. 

When Caden came out, he was breathing but not crying. He was being intubated in the corner of the room. There were doctors and nurses rushing in and out. There were concerned whispers and and even more frightened looks coming from every mouth and face I could see. Justin was hanging in the balance between me and Caden and then when they took Caden out he went with him. He told me just last night that he prayed and prayed and prayed... he never stopped praying. He was crying out to God, pleading for his mercy.

And me... well I was laying on the table, looking to the corner of the room knowing without a shadow of a doubt that everything was going to be okay. I don't know why I thought that or how I knew. I didn't cry. I didn't pray. I just laid. And maybe it was the FINE, FINE, FINE cocktail of drugs I was on, but I don't think there is any drug that could have granted me the peace I was experiencing in those moments. The peace was truly one that surpassed ALL understanding. I can't describe it ANY other way. (AND just so we are clear... this HAD nothing to do with my strength or great faith or ANY of that! If I was being NORMAL Katie I would have most certainly at the VERY least been crying (probably sobbing!)). 

This unexplainable peace I acknowledged early on. I remembered the feeling and was thankful for God's grace in granting me that peace. It was EXACTLY what I needed. But it didn't occur to me until a few weeks ago the significance in the other things I described. I didn't pray! Not once! I don't even know why. That is my first reaction to anything and everything... I pray all the time and for the "stupidest" of things... like the other day I prayed that my mom would of a certain nail polish color (and she did) but I didn't pray for the health of my son? I had prayed EVERY hour on the hour my entire pregnancy. I had pleaded and begged... and in that moment... NOTHING!

But guess what? Guess who did? The Spirit. My friend the Spirit, comforted my body, put me at rest and took on the burden on my behalf. The Spirit interceded for me with groans that words could never express... (Romans 8:26). The Spirit stepped in and was living and active. 

The Trinity was forever teamed in my life! In our lives. God the Father was my provider and my protector, he numbered my days and the days of my little boy. Jesus, saved me from myself, my sin and he saved others too. He brought me to a place of forgiveness and thankfulness for ALL that happened. He gave me the ability to see those days as PURE joy, a gift. And the Spirit... oh that's real! How thankful I am for this! How thankful I am for the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 

God is BIG and he is MIGHTY and he is ALIVE and ACTIVE, living in you and me! His Spirit guides us!

As I read back through this it just doesn't quite SAY it, so I am going to pray that the Spirit intercedes on my behalf and reveals this incredible experience to you in a way that words could never express! But, regardless of my inability to effectively communicate my discovery I had to blog about this... I had to... so I could cherish it as the great gift that it was (is) and even more so that I could remember the next time I face trial that the Spirit of God is in me and its' ready to go to work!! When I don't have words, when I'm lost and downtrodden... the Spirit is just getting started!!

Okay so... there is no better way to close this entry than with some of my favorite verses from my very favorite chapter of the Bible...

"For I am CONVINCED that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!"


Stay tuned for more fun in the coming days... It's Cade-man's Birthday week!!!

1 comment:

CaseyWiegand said...

this just made me cry! so sweet!!!! i love yall :)!!! happy birthday precious boy!