Sunday, June 14, 2009

Separation Anxiety

Instead of what a weekend...


So, we took Caden to the church nursery for the FIRST time this morning! YES I know tomorrow he will be 5.5 months old, and it was his first time in the nursery... don't judge me! :) I have been having pretty serious anxiety all week about it. I have been able to avoid the inevitable for the last few weeks with all of our travels, but today there would be no more excuses... I had to do it. It was time... another rite of passage and like any other rite of passage...puberty, marriage, pregnancy, parenthood... none of it is easy!

At 4:30am I was awakened by the melodious sound (extreme exaggeration) of my husband's snore and what was the first thing that popped into my brain? T-minus 5 hours until I would have to leave Caden with STRANGERS (stranger danger!!!) for the first time. Needless to say, I didn't get back to sleep before it was time to get up and at 'em!

Earlier in the week, Caden and I picked out the perfect outfit for his nursery debut... BUT it seems we may have made the wrong decision seeing as within the first 5 minutes we walked into the church doors, TWO, yes TWO different people (both men of course) called our little "he" a "SHE!" Alas... this was certainly not starting off well... should I have taken it as a sign? Was God trying to say... TURN AROUND DON'T DROWN... take him into the service with you!?

Who YOU callin' a girl??

When the man who checked us in said, "is SHE ready to go to her room?" I said, "HE!" in my Mommy-pounce voice... that was the second time... come on!! I feel bad that my voice decided to go up an octave at the poor man, but I was in a stressed state... 

Okay... back to it. Every day I find myself praying for wisdom... wisdom as a Mommy, as a wife, as a friend, daughter, you name it... this week I was specifically praying for wisdom in sharing my baby and learning how to let go! I had no doubt that this was the right decision, to put Caden in the nursery, but I knew from previous experience that just because it is God's will didn't mean it was going to be easy... and it wasn't...

Nursery A was where Caden was hanging out for the morning. As we walked back to the room the tears started rolling down my cheeks! Hold it together I kept saying... but the more I thought that the more tears came. I tried to hide behind Justin who had Caden. Everything is a blur... the ladies in the room were so sweet in greeting us, but I could just see their smiles... I could hear nothing coming out of their mouths, I was deafened by my tears! Then one said, "is Mommy okay?" and handed me a Kleenex. I'm fine! I'm fine! I nodded but didn't say!

I took out a diaper and his passy and put his diaper bag in cubby #8 and waved bye to my lil man who was already several feet away in someone else's arms... I walked out the door! More tears!

Justin was COMPLETELY embarrassed by me and was walking like an Olympic Speed-Walker through the hallway to the worship center. I was blotting my tears with a quickly deteriorating Kleenex. People were staring but I didn't care! They didn't know what I had just gone through... they'd be crying too! I finally caught up to him and asked him to slow down and he said... "I don't want people to know you're with me!"

THANKS HONEY! Thank you for being so supportive! HA!

So we sat down in "our" section and began to worship. Today, we partook in the Lord's Supper and while I was sitting there waiting for the plate to be passed I thought... even Jesus was separated from his father... and he too had separation anxiety, but without that separation, the ultimate separation in death would have never been conquered. Thankfully, I will NEVER have to be separated from the ones I love. On earth I might find myself separated for a period of 10, 20, 30, 50, even 100 years from ones I love but no amount of time on earth can compare to an eternity... I don't even know how to comprehend eternity and I get to spend THAT WHOLE TIME with my Cade-man! (When he becomes a believer... notice I said when... also an area I pray for wisdom about daily!)

After the service was over we walked back to Nursery A and I teared up again, but no where near as bad as the drop-off. We were reunited and all was right in the world! And I was able to prove to them that I, in fact, was not an overly-emotional mute, but instead a sappy new mommy who was not very good at letting go! Another milestone... and again another lesson in relinquishing control! I'm learning... 

To prove that Caden was no where NEAR as traumatized as his mommy, we chose a few pics from family time on the couch after his nap this afternoon! 

Thanks to those of you who said a special prayer for us this morning... we survived! :)

Happy Sunday!!


Olson Family said...

Jack and Jacob both get the "girl" comments. I want to be like "excuse me if I had a little girl she would not be dressed in all blue or all black jon jon/shortall"!!! Crazy people.

Way to go on the gets easier....until they start crying when you leave them!!! Then it is soooo hard again!!!

ALittleArtsy said...

okay I'm laughing so hard because the EXACT same thing/ feelings happened with us this morning...I mean I felt like a complete crazy person!!!!! love y'all and love reading your precious blog!!!

Michelle said...

I'm proud of you Katie. You're not crazy. Leaving them does get easier; I promise. Just don't cry when he is 13 and you drop him off at baseball practice:) That might now work out too well. Miss you guys.