Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Me and Medela... an Ode!

This is a little ditty written on behalf and in fond and not-so-fond memory of my friend, Medela, the Pump 'N Style. May those who have found then lost a similar friend be blessed/vindicated by this ode.

DISCLAIMER: My apologies for the not-so-nice, and at times uncomfortable language... please know this is for the author's special effects and is not intended to offend the male-species or the sensitive-eared or eyed. Thank you!

Me and Medela

Oh that Medela Pump 'n Style
I haven't seen it in a while.
In fact it's been ten whole days
Since I've heard the tune it plays.

The soothing rhythm of its song
Is certain to stick around for long.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-Uh it goes
Watching the milk as it grows.

How many ounces will I get today?
Caden saying, "no pump, let's play!"
Just enough to fill a bottle,
As I turn the knob full throttle.

The speed increases and so does the sound,
And the milk it seems should abound.
When it did I'd shout for joy!
A good session meant more to enjoy.

Those darn white circles, flanges and tubes,
All pieces so near and dear to the boobs.
If only more cat-like they could wash themselves
Rather than hoarding steamer bags off the shelves.

Soap, scrub, 2 ounces and zip...
Don't overfill, or it is certain to rip.
3 minutes in the micro seemed like forever
When I wanted to sit and watch something clever!

"I hate pumping!" I used to shout and say,
Until I had to do it to feed Baby K.
The irony of motherhood never ceases to amaze.
Just wanted me a breastfed child to raise.

So grateful am I for the woman who knew
Scissors make holes and mommies need two!
Hands free pumping is a gift from above
And it's definitely a look only a mommy can love.

Men seem fascinated by my friend the pump.
They sit and stare like a big 'ol lump!
I am certain a cow is the first to mind
As they listen to the machine squeak and grind.

A chuckle and laugh and dirty little joke,
Oh the fun they'd sure like to poke.
Cups, jock straps and two handed cover-ups
Is all I have to say to those weak pups.

If ever we'd suggest to them that they too
Should hook it up like the boobs and you
They'd run for the hills as tears fell fast;
Not even one day they'd ever last!

So mommies who've pumped their days like me
Tough in my eyes you will always be.
It's not for sissies I'll tell you that,
So give yourself a nice big pat!

And if you're sad that you can't make it work
Don't hesitate to turn and run with a jerk
The secret is out and formula's good too
It's raised many a baby tried and true

My pump and I had moments twofold
Love and hate like sayings of old
But that pump sure did what she could
To give my girl the greatest of the good

It might be nice to keep it around
Just to listen to its soothing sound
Pull it out from time to time
Plug it in and relax to its chime

But on second thought I think I'll pass
And give it a good swift kick in the ass
It's been real, it's been fun
But certainly never really fun

I'll miss you! Not! So, so long old friend
Me and Medela, The End.


Melissa said...

Oh the pump! I couldn't agree more with everything you said! So proud of you for doing it till this point! Way to go!

KK said...

Haha. So so funny. Glad you hung in as long as you could..you went above and beyond! I do have to admit I miss the thumping sound when we talked. :)

emilysandvall said...

You'll never guess what I'm doing right now...HANDS FREE BABY! Proud of you.

Jennifer Mayo said...

That's hilarious! You are good!