Me and Medela... an Ode!

This is a little ditty written on behalf and in fond and not-so-fond memory of my friend, Medela, the Pump 'N Style. May those who have found then lost a similar friend be blessed/vindicated by this ode.

DISCLAIMER: My apologies for the not-so-nice, and at times uncomfortable language... please know this is for the author's special effects and is not intended to offend the male-species or the sensitive-eared or eyed. Thank you!

Me and Medela

Oh that Medela Pump 'n Style

I haven't seen it in a while.

In fact it's been ten whole days

Since I've heard the tune it plays.

The soothing rhythm of its song

Is certain to stick around for long.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-Uh it goes

Watching the milk as it grows.

How many ounces will I get today?

Caden saying, "no pump, let's play!"

Just enough to fill a bottle,

As I turn the knob full throttle.

The speed increases and so does the sound,

And the milk it seems should abound.

When it did I'd shout for joy!

A good session meant more to enjoy.

Those darn white circles, flanges and tubes,

All pieces so near and dear to the boobs.

If only more cat-like they could wash themselves

Rather than hoarding steamer bags off the shelves.

Soap, scrub, 2 ounces and zip...

Don't overfill, or it is certain to rip.

3 minutes in the micro seemed like forever

When I wanted to sit and watch something clever!

"I hate pumping!" I used to shout and say,

Until I had to do it to feed Baby K.

The irony of motherhood never ceases to amaze.

Just wanted me a breastfed child to raise.

So grateful am I for the woman who knew

Scissors make holes and mommies need two!

Hands free pumping is a gift from above

And it's definitely a look only a mommy can love.

Men seem fascinated by my friend the pump.

They sit and stare like a big 'ol lump!

I am certain a cow is the first to mind

As they listen to the machine squeak and grind.

A chuckle and laugh and dirty little joke,

Oh the fun they'd sure like to poke.

Cups, jock straps and two handed cover-ups

Is all I have to say to those weak pups.

If ever we'd suggest to them that they too

Should hook it up like the boobs and you

They'd run for the hills as tears fell fast;

Not even one day they'd ever last!

So mommies who've pumped their days like me

Tough in my eyes you will always be.

It's not for sissies I'll tell you that,

So give yourself a nice big pat!

And if you're sad that you can't make it work

Don't hesitate to turn and run with a jerk

The secret is out and formula's good too

It's raised many a baby tried and true

My pump and I had moments twofold

Love and hate like sayings of old

But that pump sure did what she could

To give my girl the greatest of the good

It might be nice to keep it around

Just to listen to its soothing sound

Pull it out from time to time

Plug it in and relax to its chime

But on second thought I think I'll pass

And give it a good swift kick in the ass

It's been real, it's been fun

But certainly never really fun

I'll miss you! Not! So, so long old friend

Me and Medela, The End.