Welcome to My World...

There are very few times when I write posts about me... mostly because I am not NEAR as interesting NOR as cute as CADEN! So for obvious reasons I stick to my most exciting subject matter 99.9% of the time, but ever so often I get the urge to write a little ditty about what's going on in my world...


Of course as most of us moms tend to know... even the "my world" involves our kiddos! And truth be known the reason we even have a world to write about in the first place is entirely their fault... in a good way of course! It's no secret that motherhood/parenthood is hard! I know we all know that on some level, but for all of us it is hard for different reasons. For me motherhood is hard because I battle FEAR...


AND hello... FEAR and having a kid... I'm going have some serious "motherhood is SO hard" moments when I struggle with something that I think, to some degree, all mothers struggle with. If you watch the show Parenthood (and if you don't you SHOULD start) you probably saw one of the Moms on the show having one of these FEAR and MOTHERHOOD combo moments. She called it catastrophization... in other words... normal situations turn into FULL ON catastrophe in her brain. People who ail from this sickness are people like me who don't necessarily believe the worst will happen but nevertheless they imagine it! The worst! The absolute worst! At the end of the conversation with her daughter the mother concludes with, "I just love you TOO much, it hurts!" Amen, amen sista! Preach on for us all!

It's unbearable sometimes how much we love our children and because our love is SO intense and almost too much at times our brains go into shock and allow our minds to travel some dark and dreary paths! EVERY day I have to remind myself how to battle... and I say OUTLOUD several times a day all, pieces and portions of this set of verses:

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor 10:3-5

I have had to train myself through MUCH prayer to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ AS SOON as I think, feel, or see FEAR heading in my direction and I have to RUN the other way! And it is HARD for me... BUT through Christ and this practice of catching myself before the downward spiral I'm hangin' tough!

But I struggle... take today for example: I am driving down the road and I start thinking about my next pregnancy (which by the way I AM NOT EVEN PREGNANT YET) and I think about all of the things that might/could/(will) happen... it started with... what if I'm sick the whole time...what if I'm too sick to play with Caden...what if I get put on bed rest... what if the next baby has lots of problems and we have to spend all of our time in the doctor's office...what if I get really sick and something ends up happening to me... how could I leave Caden and my new baby alone??? OMG... it's sick! Isn't it?! You see how that one little thought can send me FAR, FAR, AWAY completely robbing me of ANY joy that I could have in thinking about the future of our little family! Now... that's not to say that I believe that NONE of this could or would ever happen to me. I guess that is the reason I struggle with fear in the first place because I know that I am not exempt from the worst... it could happen to anyone, BUT what I have to remember is what is TRUE... and what is TRUE is that God is good, He is faithful, He is perfect and that He is sovereign... so no matter what life throws at me I can handle it because I rest (or don't rest as it may be) in Him!

I always tell people and I believe it to be true for me... I have faith in the end result... I KNOW 110% that God's plan is the BEST for me, and if the worst things imaginable happen to be part of my plan I KNOW it will work out for the good... I believe that with all my heart, BUT it's the process of it all that makes me afraid! The end is peaceful but the process is muddy... and it makes me scared!

So enough of all the serious stuff... I thought I'd share another story from my day today to give you a bigger taste of my world...

Before today I have never fed Caden peanut butter. But he is starting school next week (another blog on that soon!) and the teachers obviously need to be wary of food allergies. So with peanuts it is either a YES or NO. BUT I've been saying "Well, I don't let him eat any nut products because we have a family history of food allergies and our doctor says it would be best to wait, but he is not necessarily allergic but we're not really sure either!" Which means kids in his class will likely bring nut-products in their lunches. SO of course thinking about this I started to Catastrophize and imagine Caden sneaking a peanut butter cracker from his neighbor and going into anaphylactic shock at school... without me there! Can you imagine?! Awful!

SO... I decided that I would put on my big girl panties today... drive to the gas station and buy a 6-pack of peanut butter crackers and a sprite (for good measure) and then go sit in the parking lot of the Emergency Room (oh yes, yes I did) and let Caden have his FIRST taste of peanut butter. It felt this was as controlled of an environment as I could manage to create. So I found a PRIZE parking spot on the front row and threw my car into park and we did it! AND I am proud to say that he ate ALL 6 crackers and is still doing well! Phew! Of course during that time we happened to see the anesthesiologist that he had for his tube surgery leaving the building. He looked at us strange and gave us the head nod and moved on... "Don't mind us... just eating some peanut butter for the first time... sure there are PLENTY of moms who do this every day!"

RIGHT... I'm sure... I may not be the first mom to ever do this but I don't think this is the norm... But alas, this is me...

Welcome to My World!!