SNAKE!!!

Oh me, oh my do I have a story for y'all! In true Katie-fashion I had a hilariously scary afternoon!

Once upon a time there was a girl who needed to let her puppies in out of the summer afternoon heat. As she pounded out the back door and onto the patio she noticed the sweet smell of grass (or dog poop) and carried on... Just as she is about to step off the patio onto that sweet, sweet smelling grass (dog poop) she sees this....

Her heart starts pounding, she turns and runs like the wind back into the house, and locks the door behind her... just in case he grows hands! SNAKE!!!!! 

HUGE!!! SNAKE!!! BACKYARD!!! MY BACKYARD!!! 

So in case you are a little slow, the girl in the story is ME! Once I got back into the house I raise the blinds in my living room and take the awesome picture above. I try to call Justin... no answer. He's no doubt thinking I am calling to say "HI" or "guess what Caden just did," not SNAKE! I sent him an email with the picture in it, just to be sure he WOULD RETURN my phone call!

I called my mom... what should I do? Call Animal Control? Sure, sounds like a good idea... okay I'll call you right back!

Justin calls... SNAKE! YES, I'm sure!! It's black with red and yellow stripes... what does Google say? While you're talking to Google I'm going to call Animal Control! Okay Bye!

Ringing, ringing... yes, I have a snake in my backyard. He's black with red and yellow stripes... And yes I know the poem, red and yellow scary fellow or whatever the heck it is! You're sending someone out? Okay great! Thanks!

Justin calls back. It's a Garter Snake, I'm pretty sure of it. At least it is not dangerous... okay sure... but it's still freaking huge!

Knock on the door...YAY! The Animal Control Man is here, and YES I said man! Bring on the sexism and gender roles... I'm all about it!

I answer the door... What? TWO CHICKS?!! Just like me?! Two chicks are going to get that big, bad scary snake?!  One with a long grabby hand thingy and the other with a net! Time to put on your game face Katie...

"I here you have a snake we need to take care of ma'am?"

"Oh yah" I say casually... "he left the backyard and went under our fence into some bushes. I'll show you where I think he is..."

We walk around the side of the house. I am feeling a little dumb at the moment since TWO CHICKS are going to do the trapping and wrapping... ug! 

"I think he'd be in this set of bushes..."

"THERE HE IS," one of the CHICKS shouts!

"Oh that's him? Is that the one?"

"Yah... I know he's just a Garter Snake, but I didn't realize that until I had already called Animal Control... you know that Google... a little slow sometimes! Ha!"

"He's little!" (Insert words she is thinking but not saying... you crazy, wimpy, blonde CHICK)

"He IS really long for a Garter Snake," the first CHICKS affirms. (See. Even that CHICK says he's big!! I could say something SUPER inappropriate here, but I will refrain!)

"Well, I can't seem to get him... I think he might have gone back under."

"How about I go back to the other side and see if I can find him, " I offer. If they can do it SO can I!

I walk back through the house and out the back door. Onto the patio... into the grass... YEP, there he is! I'll just chase him back under the fence... no problem! I'm a CHICK too!

So I did... 

"There he is... grab him!"

The CHICK with the grabby hand thing goes for it... misses! Darn!

Searching, searching... no luck! I'm looking on my side of the fence too... no luck!

After a few unproductive minutes the second CHICK says...

"You gotta hose back here?"

"Oh yah... I've got one of those!"

"Well, if he comes back into your yard, just spray him with some water. He's harmless. He won't charge you, attack you, hurt you... just a little 'ol Garter Snake."

"Pppsh... yah, I know. Ahem. I mean I was more concerned for the dogs than anything else... didn't want them to get hurt!" (BS: I could have cared LESS about the dogs... I was totally concerned for my foot that almost stepped on it's slimy little head!!)

"I understand ma'am. That makes complete sense. He's scared of the dogs too... don't you worry!"

Thanks Miss Grabby Hand and Miss Net Lady... y'all are the best CHICK Animal Control workers ever! Thanks for handing me back my ego too... I was afraid you were going to take it and dispose of it since you didn't get the snake!