Distracted...

Ever have one of those days where everything seems off? Welcome to Tuesday, February 24th, 2009! Distracted is a nice word for me today. I've done a series of things that clearly prove my mind is somewhere else... where you wonder? I'll get there, but first let me give you a few examples to explain my insanity...

DISCLAIMER: No children named Caden were endangered (thankfully) in the making of this film!

1. This morning I put the bagels in the fridge and left the cream cheese on the counter... I didn't discover I had done this until about oh 6 hours later... so much for my new tub of philly light! Ug!

2. After several attempts at trying to find my local Sam's Club's phone number online and exclaiming that their website must be down because it is not working I realized that I had been putting in the ZIP CODE and STATE instead of the CITY and STATE. There's no city named 78664? Shocker!

3. When heading to Bueno to satisfy my lunch craving I pulled out of the garage and onto the street. I put the car in drive and pressed the pedal, only to realize that I was still looking behind me as if I was in reverse... nope I was moving forward... turn around Katie!

4. Then when I got home I was pulling into the garage trying to get the end of my right windshield wiper to touch the tennis ball hanging from the ceiling (thanks to my OCD hubbie, who insisted that we fit both of our cars and all of our crud into our tiny garage!) and I did it...I hit the ball just right. So... I start to get out of the car... YEP... I forgot to put it in park and turn off the car. So as my left foot hit the running board and the car crept forward I hopped back in and stopped the car JUST in time! Phew!!

5. Oh and this is classic... today when Caden and I got back from our walk and I was trying to get his car seat out of the BOB to put into the car to head to Bueno I couldn't get it out... I tried 4 or 5 times and I couldn't do it. I have done this now at least 50 times or so... why I couldn't do it today was baffling me. I was looking under the seat, around the seat... what was I doing wrong? OH yah... that BIG RED handle that says press me on the back... you have to push that in while you lift... DUH! 

And I'm not even going to tell you how many mini Hershey's candy bars I have had today... I'm not sure if that in itself is a distraction or it is something I am using as a distraction... whatever it is it is certainly not helping me shed those pregnancy pounds!

So now... what is keeping my tiny brain all cooped up today? Remember how I told y'all that I was writing letters to the doctor that delivered Caden, the chief of obstetrics and the chief of hospital? (not sure what this is... click here to read "My Birth Story") Well I did it... sorry I haven't updated y'all... 

I wrote a four page letter to the doctor who delivered Caden and then sent a copy of that letter alongside separate letters of concern to both the chief of OB and the big chief. As it would turn out, God had a hand in the letter delivery. I didn't finish the letters until it was time for my 5 week postpartum appointment. So I went to my appt. and when I got there, the lady at the registration desk told me I would have to reschedule  because my doctor was in a delivery. I had the letters with me and was planning on giving them to my doctor and then the other doctor's to the nurse to give to her, but instead I gave them to one of the ladies in the office, asking her to be sure that they got these... and YES I lied... I said they were thank you cards and I even put them in big envelopes that looked appropriate for a birthday card... I know, I know... that was not right, BUT I wanted to be sure they got them and then were encouraged to open and read them.

So a few days later I went back for my rescheduled appt. and much to my surprise my doctor greeted me with a hug and spent at least 30 minutes talking to me about my letter and my experience. He told me the matter was under investigation and told me a few of the things he had been told about the situation so far... many of which were wrong... obvious that a few of the nurses and the doctor herself were trying to cover their butts... understandably! So he told me he would continue to investigate... especially after I negated much of the preliminary information he had come up with. He said he'd like to have me come back in and talk once his "investigation" was complete. He was clearly concerned and assured me that he would take the necessary steps to learn from this situation... 

Pretty cool right? I wasn't expecting this at all, I wasn't actually expecting any reaction to the letter... it was supposed to be my closure... Not quite...

So I left that appointment not thinking too much about it and not all that confident that I would actually get a call back to come in and talk any further. A few weeks pass and then last Friday I got a call from the BIG CHIEF'S admin assistant wanting to schedule an appointment with me. WOW...me and the CHIEF of the hospital... I guess he read my letter.

So I called her back and scheduled the appointment for this Thursday at 8am! Since we've had the appointment on the books I have been completely distracted by what I want to say, how I want to say it, what I don't want to leave out, what my goal for the meeting is... what I want Justin to say during the meeting, what I hope the meeting turns out to be and what it doesn't. I am completely consumed by it... and having to think about it brings back all of the memories which I would rather forget, but I can't...

I'm still angry and continue to get angrier as I have continued to do more research on pitocin and meconium and all of the other layers of my story. I am ready for Thursday to be over with... I want to lay it all out on the table, say all of the things I want to say, give them a list of things I hope they reconsider as they move forward, walk out of that office and find a new day waiting... a day without anger, a day without bad memories, a day without bad dreams... a day where this chapter of our story is finished! But I know God's will be done... and however this story fits into His-story, we'll go with it, knowing that we will find ultimate healing from all of this in the end!

I would appreciate your prayers on Thursday morning at 8am as Justin and I meet with the chief. I'll let you know all of the details when we get back from our big weekend road trip... pray for that as well! 

More to come from Cox's Corner!

THANKS for your prayers, encouragement and support!! We love you blog world!